I’m Canceling Coronavirus for the Sake of Sports

This damn virus has threatened our very way of life as sports fans. It has closed stadiums, shut down cities, and made it so we can’t even high five our favorite athletes. Well, we live in the “cancel culture” and I’m here to tell you all that I’m CANCELING CORONAVIRUS.

I have to first give you the background. Caronavirus was born with the full name COVID-19 in Wuhan China. It was born in a weird market where they sold bats as some other weird stuff for food. It quickly rose to infamy and spread across the globe.

On this day, March 5, 2020, Corona virus has hit Italy hard and actually has forced the country to remove spectators from all live events. An actual tragedy for Serie A.

This could be us America! This virus could take America’s past time away! Where else am I supposed to take another loan out for a hot dog, if I can’t do it at Fenway!? It’s outrageous and it’s not just baseball!

The NBA season is coming to a close and their just as affected! CJ McCollum came out and said he won’t be signing autographs until this is under control. The commissioner, Adam Silver, released a statement asking players to “first bump fans instead of high five.” Sir. I am an AMERICAN. I will high-five as it is my patriotic duty! YOU CANT TAKE THE HIGH FIVES AWAY.

Not to mention, Coronavirus is threatening the biggest sporting event in the world, the Olympics, ever heard of it? If the virus isn’t contained soon, they will cancel the Olympics. Admittedly, this isn’t a bad idea, but how am I supposed to know how much better the USA is? You’ve gone too far Corona.

I care about three things in this world, my family, sports, and those little umbrellas they put in cocktails sometimes. You can take away my umbrellas, (why don’t more people do them?) but when you affect my family and sports? It’s war.

I have dug up a racist Facebook post that Coronavirus tried to hide and I have many more ready to go.

Coronavirus this is the end, we have you surrounded. It’s time to get canceled. You’re welcome WORLD.

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