The end times are nigh sports fans. Super Bowl 54 is upon us, and everyone’s beloved Patriots aren’t representing the AFC this year ’round. WHAT EVER SHALL WE DO? I know. Let’s enjoy the fact that there are other good teams in the league! This Sunday we are treated to a lovely match-up between the Prodigal Son, Jimmy G, and the People’s Live Action Kermit the Frog, Patrick Mahomes. A battle for the ages. Who will come out victorious you might ask?
If you said the Kansas City Chiefs, you are DEAD WRONG! The only logical choice here is our Lord and Savior, Jimmy Big Boi. He is going to lead San Francisco back to the promised land, and start the greatest dynasty known to sports, even better than those pesky Patriots were able to manage! And by that, I mean Garoppolo only has to throw the ball 15 times, the Niners win by running the ball, and they lose in the Divisional round next year. I still think that they are by far the better team in this Super Bowl. However, they will win on strength of Defense and their rushing attack. I don’t think Jimmy will need to be that big of a factor against a stagnant Chiefs defense. I really think the ol’ running back by committee will eventually get to the Chiefs, and they’ll fold. As for a score prediction, I’ll go 35-24 ‘Niners.
As far as Super Bowl MVP goes, I’m going extremely unconventional here. Tevin Coleman has some unfinished business to take care of. I think Coleman does the brunt of the work for Shanahan and he Niners offense, and racks up 75 on the ground with a pair of touchdowns, and adds 6 catches, 90 yards, and a T.D. through the air. MARK MY WORDS. TEVIN COLEMAN WILL BE YOUR SUPERBOWL MVP. I have two reasons to support my claim. Point number one: running backs have done extremely well in Super Bowls recently. Sony Michel last year had 18 rushes for 94 yards and a touchdown. Not bad against a notoriously well coached Wade Philips led Rams’ defense. The previous year, LeGarrette Blount racked up 90 yards and a touchdown on 14 carries. The year before THAT, we had that epic James white performance, where he rushed for 2 touchdowns on 6 carries, and caught 14 passes for 110 yards, and touchdown. James White balled that year. Back to my point: one of these running backs is going to have a day, and I’m putting my money on Coleman. He’s the only one on either team’s rushing game that has been there before. Not to mention that he and Shanahan were in the same boat when 28-3 took place. Coleman’s looking for revenge, and I think Shanahan feeds him the rock. Tevin Colman, Super Bowl MVP. Don’t @ me, m’kay?