WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? You’re telling me that BOTA has already posted 99 articles and that I, the Soggiest of Bois gets to post the 100th?? I humbly accept. ‘Tis the season to be thankful for what we’ve done. But I already did a sappy post for my 30th article, so this will be an Ode to my bois.
James, where do I start? When you moved down to Tampa Bay I was like “Oh fuck, thank God, now I get Chris all to myself.” Now I’m like “Oh fuck, thank God, now I don’t have to deal with Chris anymore”. When you told me and Chris that you wanted to start BOTA, I was so excited to start. And then you started writing about college football and I was like, welp, this was fun while it lasted. Then you said Hawaii would be your dark horse team for the College Football Playoffs, and I had to get my affairs in order just in case I was killed by a mob or something. You’ve got some hot takes, and a hotter bod. Muah. Soggi Boi loves you.
Ah Chris. My sweet boi. BOTA’s special little guy. You know there are other teams other than the Patriots, right…? Like, the New England Revolution. They are a team, I think? You’ll have to confirm that one for me. From the early days, you were a bright eyed hearing impaired stud. I remember when you would make fun of me for not being able to climb the fence at your house playing tag. Well guess what? Calling timeout right before getting tagged because I was an chonk is a COMPLETELY VALID MOVE. So SUCK IT. Also, insert kidney joke here. Love you babe.
DREW. DAN MARINO IS BETTER THAN AARON RODGERS. Do I have your attention? Good! Obvious, I’m just kidding, based off of the lovely conversation we had last night on the subject. Drewchainz, me boi, you are the most level-headed person ever, but I’ve never seen someone get so mad at the mention of Brandon Bostick. Hey, at least the won the Super Bowl in 2010. And they beat the Steelers, which is a nice added bonus! Your defense might not be number 1 in my book, but at least they aren’t the Dolphins, right? At least the Pack can stay relevant! For now. Once Rodgers is gone, oh boy are they screwed.
Mr. Michelle Royce aka Punkinhead looking ass. You are still fresh meat. If you want your face on the Facebook page, you better start sucking up real quick boi. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you got a tattoo of a pineapple on your inner bicep, or that you like Cam Newton. It’s a toss up honestly. Being a Panthers fan must suck. How does it feel to be a fan of the worst expansion team in NFL history? I’ll give you Run CMC and Luke Kuechly, but the only time they were relevant was when Cam won MVP, and then was too lazy to recover his own fumble in a SUPERBOWL. Bruh. L.a.z.y. Don’t even get me started on when you rode the Kings Bandwagon for awhile, sheesh. Quick’s a scrub now, and Dustin Brown still can’t drink water out of the right side of the bottle.
Overall guys, you suck. But so do I! I mean, my favorite band is Coldplay, how douchey is that? I yell at players on T.V. and expect them to hear me through the screen. Trust me, I know better than some of these coaches. They need to hear me. Also, why do I have so many goddamn jerseys? It feels like I run a sweatshop downstairs. Zek is suck too.
After writing this, I realized I sound like a complete lunatic. But that’s just it. All of us are. That’s what makes BOTA so great. None of us care about looking sane. The concept of professional sports is insane. We are just matching the intensity. We are crazy to match the craziness that is SPORTS. To all my Bois, here to 100 posts on this beautiful lil thang we created. Here’s to like 2 more, maybe?